


Paralyzed

by sufferingsoprano



Category: Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby (1974), The Great Gatsby (2013)
Genre: 1920s, Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Era, Canonical Character Death, During Canon, F/F, Gay, LGBTQ Themes, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Jordan Baker, Period-Typical Homophobia, Period-Typical Sexism, Queer Character, Queer Themes, Sad, The Great Gatsby References, daisy Buchanan centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:48:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23397274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sufferingsoprano/pseuds/sufferingsoprano
Summary: and once more,Daisy was left alone with no one but herself to judge.completely, and utterly paralyzed.---an exploration of Daisy's character & of her relationship with Jordan (Jordan x Daisy)
Relationships: Daisy Buchanan/Jay Gatsby, Daisy Buchanan/Tom Buchanan, Jordan Baker/Daisy Buchanan
Comments: 3
Kudos: 17





	Paralyzed

daisy stood in silence,  
frozen in her tracks.

she sighed to herself as she listened to the distant sounds of Tom walking in the parlor below her.

staring at their shared bed,  
she felt her stomach twist into knots.

she supposed this would be her bed for the next few decades, as her fate had been sealed upon that faithful day, her wedding.

how could a day that should've been filled to the brim with joy leave her feeling so sickly?

the twinge in her stomach was accompanied by an odd sense of emptiness,  
as she found that she held little to no affection for her husband.

her thoughts drifted to gatsby,  
dreamy, fantastical, and polished.  
he surely did sweep her off her feet in the past few months.

but still,  
even with his gentle smile, and strong arms,  
and his glittering eyes, and shining shirts,  
there were far too many moments where she was reminded of her lack of a connection to him.

whatever they had all those years ago was far out of reach, as she felt a great distance between the two of them, even as they had danced across the floors of his grand mansion, the two barely an inch apart.

but she did feel a deep sense of guilt as she abandoned him in all of his passion and affection for her.

yes, there was an exhilaration with him that she rarely got to feel in her life,  
and yes, he was exciting and new...  
and everything that Tom was not...

but Tom was security,  
and safety.

he had a fortune that she could depend on for the rest of her days.

and with his stacks and stacks of cash, the two could hide away from the destruction stirred up around them, for when buried in money, no one could rightfully accuse you of a crime.

her thoughts flickered to the woman from the street, her mangled body strewn out across the road.  
she wanted to choke as she thought of the sight, at the eeriness of the pure horror painted across the woman's face.

but with Tom's help, the blame could easily be pinned on Gatsby.  
no questions asked.

and with that, no one would ever really know of Daisy's sins.  
she'd be able to retreat into her diamonds and lace, into her silk and jewels...

she knew it wasn't right to leave gatsby in the dust and ashes of her actions,  
to walk away from their escapades and leave him to deal with the aftermath...

she knew perfectly well what she was doing,  
as she left behind her mess for him to clean up,  
forcing him to face the consequences all on his lonesome.

but even despite her knowing and her inner turmoil surrounding her decision,  
she knew with certainty what she was going to do,  
and she knew what path she would take.

always the easy way out...  
always the most selfish and calculating approach...  
she knew it was wrong,  
but at the same time she knew it was only right.

though it would keep her up at night for the rest of her days, it was the only fitting option,  
or at least that's what she continually told herself.

"Daisy?"

Jordan's voice was low, but still smooth as ever, as she stood in the doorway of Daisy and Tom's bedroom.

startled, yet relieved to see it was not her husband, daisy clutched at her heart.

"Oh dear, you scared me there Jordan!" She said with a laugh.

the other woman just pursed her lips, her eyes softening at the sound.

"I take it that you're settling in for the night...or perhaps for your life, that is?"  
Jordan's words were almost accusatory in nature, but her expressionless face left daisy feeling unsure as to her intentions.

"Now Jordan...you mustn't hold it against me, I know that you and mr. gatsby are well acquainted, but-"

Jordan laughed, a wave of amusement washing over her.

"back to formal titles, are we? hmm, Mr.Gatsby."  
Jordan scoffed.  
"When just the other day you had your tongue down Jay's throat..."

Daisy gapped at the other woman, at a loss for words.

"that bumbling idiot...  
he throws his life away for what?"

Jordan just shook her head, once again laughing at the absolute ridiculousness of their predicament.

"don't call him that."  
daisy spoke harshly, taking Jordan for surprise with her aggression.

a silence fell between the women, as Jordan walked into the room, and headed directly toward the window, at which she planted herself so that she was able to gaze outwards.

daisy's footing remained constant, as once again, she found herself overwhelmed to the point where she didn't know where- or even how to move.

"do you love him?"

Jordan didn't even look at her when asking.

daisy found that she too couldn't bring herself to face the other as she racked her brain for a response.

a telling silence filled the air.

Daisy would never said it out loud, but her silence spoke volumes of her lack of love for the bright, bold man.

"and surely... you do not love Tom either?"

to that, Daisy was able to respond promptly, unable to hide her disdain for her husband.

"no...no I do not...I could not...I-"  
her voice broke, as the realization that she would be spending the rest of her married life with such a man.

just like gatsby, she'd loved Tom once upon a time...  
but those happier days were far behind them, as in their marriage, she'd learned of his true colors.

her thoughts flickered to his firm hands locked upon her wrists, as she'd scream and cry in protest, and  
the cold feel of the floor as he'd furiously cast her down upon it,

she remembered the shaken sobs, and her quivering knees....  
he'd once paralyzed her with joy,  
but with those fond memories buried away,  
all he did was paralyze her with fear.

and how could she forget of his affairs?  
the numerous women he'd visit and take pleasure from, as early on as during their honey moon.

even as a newly wed Tom had seeked out other company, playing with women as though he were a cruel, reckless child fiddling with his toys.

though she'd simply shut her eyes tightly and grit her teeth upon hearing the shrill ring of the telephone when Tom's mistress would call,  
she was deeply bothered by it.

as again, Tom came to remind her of her insignificance.

"You know...you could leave him."  
for the first time in their oddly shaken conversation, Jordan spoke with clarity.

"and what? run off with another man I don't love?"  
Daisy let out a pained laugh.

Gatsby or Tom?  
that was the question.

either way there was no romantic fulfillment down those paths-  
for her love for them had long perished.

though gatsby was more than likely to treat her with more dignity, he was insecurity and insufficiency,  
whilst Tom was luxury and riches, though in his household she'd never truly escape the abuse.

either way, she'd simply lay there helplessly...  
equally winning and equally loosing,  
while in the end she was their prize.  
For she was never really playing to win to begin with, prizes don't get to chase their dream,  
as objects don't think,  
they don't feel, they don't want...  
they're purely insignificant.

Turning to face daisy, Jordan took a small step toward her.

"You know, you don't need gatsby to run away... you don't need to choose either of them."

Jordan's usually guarded eyes gleamed as she spoke, her voice dripping in ambition and laced with hope.

"You could just run off...find your own way."  
she added, drawing closer and closer.

Daisy didn't know what to make of it, yet deep down she knew exactly what Jordan was implying.  
it wasn't the first time her and Jordan had discussed such a radical matter.

but despite her knowing of what Jordan wished to say, Daisy indulged further, playing the pretty little fool she so desperately tried to emulate.

forcing a giggle, Daisy shook her head.  
"Oh silly! If I were to run off, I'd be all alone... no one to help me!"

The gleam in Jordan's eyes grew fiercer, as she was already so familiar with Daisy's little act,  
for there would be no fooling Jordan.

Inching even closer, Jordan spoke with no restraint.

To see someone so well versed in restraint, in concealing, in lying, act so openly for once, sent shivers down Daisy's spine.

"You could run away with me.  
I'd be there for you..."

Jordan moved even closer, so that she was directly in front of the other woman.

"You don't have to be complicit...  
Allow yourself some happiness."

The two were getting so close to the point that Daisy could feel Jordan's breath against the bridge of her nose.

Daisy looked down to the floor,  
still frozen, equally shaken and equally enchanted.

"What's the use of pretending to be a pretty little fool when you have the option not to?"

with those words, Jordan had cracked Daisy's walls.  
and as their eyes met, Daisy closed the gap between them, as Jordan had been successful in melting Daisy from her iced state.

Jordan's lips were as warm and tender as Daisy had remembered. She hasn't tasted them since her younger days, yet the memory was vivid as ever.  
Jordan's hands moved to Daisy's shoulders, pulling her even closer as she deepened the kiss.  
allowing Jordan to lead, Daisy sighed against her friend's lips, as Jordan brought her hand to cup her fair cheek.  
With daisy's face in her hands, Jordan pulled away gently, their noses still pressed together.

The two stayed like that for what seemed like eons,  
both of them flustered and eager.

"You're beautiful"  
Jordan breathed, pressing another gentle kiss to daisy's lips.

"Not just your body...nor your face...  
Your mind, your heart- all of you"

and for a moment, Daisy caught a glimpse of a happy future as Jordan kissed her once again, her hands moving to rest at her waist, as they somehow had ended up sitting on Daisy's bed.

perhaps Jordan was right.  
they could run off, and with the money from Jordan's golfing escapades, the two could live comfortably away from the public's eye.

and maybe, just maybe...  
Daisy wouldn't have to play pretend any more.  
no more masks, no more facades.

"Run away with me?" Jordan breathed against her neck.

and daisy- she wanted more than anything to say yes. she wanted to screech it at the top of her lungs, and resume her kisses with Jordan, and perhaps never find another reason to stop.

but something in her was still paralyzed.

With Jordan- there was still uncertainty.  
money wasn't guaranteed.  
happiness wasn't guaranteed.  
safety wasn't guaranteed.

for if they were found out, they'd face the scorn of the thousands,  
they'd be tormented, perhaps even locked away?

and even if they were able to escape the punishments of the law, Daisy could not bare to be detested by anyone, especially not by all of high society.

for without high society to hide within, she'd be left with nothing but her own humanity and the humanity of others to depend upon.

and again, though Daisy knew she was being nothing but selfish and vain,  
though she was well aware of the hurt she would inflict upon her friend who for once was letting her guard down,  
She pulled away.

"No"

Jordan's eyes grew empty,  
the usual misty glint of mystery returning to them, as she stared blankly at Daisy.

Stepping backward, Jordan smiled once more, forcing out a laugh.

Daisy winced at the pure spite in the other's low chuckle, as she found the defeat and coldness of Jordan's newfound demeanor wounding.

Yet Daisy knew she deserved it.  
she deserved the scorn, the hatred, the anger...  
As yet again, she would abandon those who needed her most, only thinking of herself.

She was leaving Jordan in the dust,  
just as she'd left Gatsby to his manic fantasy,  
and as she'd left the broken body of the ash laden woman lying dead in the road.

when it wasn't easy it was time for her to run.  
whether it be morally correct or not,  
it was her way.  
and no matter the amount of guilt and regret, and self loathing...  
she'd choose to save her own skin over and over and over again.

"Goodbye Ms. Faye"

Jordan gave her one last glance, the crease in her brow being the last remnant of her longing.

"Mrs Buchanan."  
Daisy corrected, her words coming out harsher than intended.

To that, Jordan snickered, turning towards the door.

Daisy watched her intently, the realization that she did not know when she would see her friend next, if at all.  
If she were to never see Jordan again, she did not know if she could live with herself.  
Even after pushing her away with such force, Daisy could not help but be selfish enough to ask for Jordan's company once more.

So just as the door was about to shut, she called out.

"Wait!"

Jordan stopped in her tracks, her foot propping the door open.

"Will I see you again?"  
Daisy's voice melted into her usual mellow tone as she spoke.

Daisy swore that for a second, a glimmer of hope returned to Jordan's eyes, as her face  
softened, unable to maintain her stoic manner at the sound of Daisy's helpless question.

"I suppose so."  
She smiled, a faint sadness lingering within it.

to that, Daisy nodded.

"until then."

Jordan nodded in return.

"until then."

and with that, Daisy was left alone once more  
with no one but herself to judge.  
completely, and utterly paralyzed.


End file.
